I’ve got a question. The problem is I don’t really have anyone I can ask it to. Or rather, there is an endless number of people I could ask my question, but, even if I decided to do so, my efforts would be in vain. Yeah, totally useless, because I seriously doubt that someone would understand what I’m really asking. They would just start to protest and criticise, and thus they would lose sight of my inquiry. Yeah, because it’s all the same old story: whenever you start to argue, you always end up losing the thread of the conversation and discussing some trivial matter instead, one that it’s very far from what the whole talk was really about. Furthermore, even if they proved themselves able to grasp what I’m asking, they wouldn’t be able to give me an answer anyway and so silence would fall, one of those awkward silences that people always try to break with pathetic attempts to change the subject. And, once again, the conversation would take another path. It would be better not to ask that question at all then. You can save precious energies and avoid unpleasant misunderstandings. Yeah, maybe it would be for the best.
I wonder if I’m the one to go wrong. Maybe I can’t ask the question in a way that is understandable and it’s not the others’ fault if they cannot get it. Yeah, perhaps this mistake of communication is on me, not on them. It could be. But understand who is mistaken is never easy. And then, who assures me that someone is actually making a mistake? Maybe them not understanding and me unable to ask the question is just how things should be. After all, the world turns upside down so often. Just think about how frequently wakefulness turns into sleep and sleep into wakefulness, how day turns into night and night into day, how normality turns into madness and madness into normality, how life turns into death and death into life. It’s all so easy, so immediate. Well, aside from the last pair of concepts. That’s take quite some imagination. Or maybe it’s all too complicated, too unexplainable. After all, you never really managed to understand obvious things. And it’s just so hard to decide what’s the right direction. Are wet he awake dead or the asleep living? Are we mad sane or sane mads?
I’m straying from the point. See, I was right! That’s what happens when you ask the question to the wrong person. You lose the focus on the subject. Some questions you can’t even ask them to yourself, because they lead you to odd thoughts. It’s better to shut up, because if I don’t my Ego will start behaving as everyone else, depending on if he understands or not. You can’t really blame it, he’s excused considering his situation. And the Judge, it that believes to know everything, it is even worse. And guilty too. Or maybe, exactly as my Ego, it’s just made as it is and can’t do anything about it. The truth is that it doesn’t even try to understand, he its its own mind and sticks to it, no matter what. Any other alternative must be condemned. For that reason, I wouldn’t dream to ask my question to it. It would be a huge waste of time. But, I wonder if, perhaps, it is the one that has the answer, but it will never know because it refuses to listen to me. And I’m left here, without anyone whom I consult.
And if I tried to address my question to nobody at all? They say that speech is silver, but Silence is golden. Yeah, but who tells me that this golden sage won’t act as everybody else? Or maybe I won’t be able to ask the question to him either. Maybe that’s how it should be. However, even indirectly asking the question to the Silence is addressing it to an interlocutor. I should address it to the Nothing. The absolute one, with the capital letter. But still, even in this way I would be talking to something. Sometimes the Nothing is much fuller than the Everything. You just need to know where to look. After all, Existence is void because it’s just an abstract concept and yet it exists, by definition, as Life does.
I’m doing it again, I’m going off topic. Not even asking the question without addressing it to someone has worked out. I wonder, maybe the question is fated, because its own nature, not to be asked at all. But can a question be a question if it is not given voice? If it doesn’t even reach the form of a thought? If it remains forever confined in the darkness of the Cave? It could, in my world that is made of resolvable paradoxes and of compatible opposites. If even the choices that rule each other out can come true at the same time, then a question that it’s not such can be a question. Isn’t it obvious? It is, and that’s why we don’t get it.
I think I might have found the answer. To get it, it’s enough not to ask the question. Can an answer exist without an inquiry coming first? I don’t see why not. If questions that aren’t questions but that are such exist, then there must be answers that are answer but that aren’t such too. It’s logical, I dare to say. Or at least, it would be it logic existed. But why does one need logic? Everything turns into nothing at the very end. The not asked question has received its not given answer. The Judge wouldn’t appreciate this kind of reasoning, they go against its stubborn idea, and my Ego would be shocked at first and then it would pretend that it hasn’t heard a thing. Just like always. However, I’m glad I solved the matter.
There’s just a problem now. The not given answer that it’s an answer but it’s not leaves a blank space. And, because of that, I have another question. And this how it stars all over again.
A Thousand Worlds 